i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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