I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
