You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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