Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
