i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
