I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
