need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
