just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
