for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
