a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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