I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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