Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
