ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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