Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
