im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize