he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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