I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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