Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this boner is exhausting
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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