I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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