We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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