my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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