apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
