i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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