$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
