you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize