I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
