i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
