your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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