I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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