Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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