Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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