Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
