so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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