# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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