i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
