I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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