I just threw up on my dentist
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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