Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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