I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
