I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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