Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
