Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
