And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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