so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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