I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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