that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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