Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
