no, he came in my armpit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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