Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
