I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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