she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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