i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
