you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
