we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
