I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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