why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
