he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
