i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
