giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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