I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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