I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just had sex bonerless
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
