I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
