I skipped work to stalk him.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
