i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
