I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
