so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
