Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
