He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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