girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
