I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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