Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Two words: blizzard sex
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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