I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
